Flags and kindness

Thinking about people who spark a light, I remembered this story from years ago. I met this man for 5 minutes, I'd say maybe I crossed paths with him once shortly after that. But now if I tried to remember his face I couldn't, I wouldn't recognize him if I met him again. But I remember the story, I remember how he made me feel. And I remember his kindness, I remember the light in his eyes. The way he made the world a little better that day with his conversation with me. For a moment, for a minute. He made my life better, a tiny bit better, forever, by the way he handled that conversation with me, about 5 years ago.

I was in a work environment, at the time, where casual conversations felt very sexualized. I didn't feel attacked or scared. But I feel very out of place. These experiences, linked to other events in my past, made me fully understand and embrace the fact that I am demisexual.

Summer came around, and I was out of that work environment, but the feelings lingered. Pride was approaching, and I wanted to show pride for the part of me that had felt more alienated lately. So I was on the lookout for a demisexual flag.

At that time of vulnerability, a kind voice was my friend. In a world where I felt misunderstood and having to fight to feel seen or respected as I was, someone gave me an open blanket, somewhere where I would feel respected whichever way I was, where I didn't have to explain. And that was in a moment's conversation. But it is still a moment I visit in my heart when I feel I need reaffirmed the feeling that it's more than okay, it is wonderful, to be whoever I am.

This man was working the cashier at a souvenir shop. One in a very mindly queer part of town. A big rainbow flag was hanging from a wall, to be seen as a product to buy, but also as a display to welcome those who might need it. Next to it, a small bear flag stood. It was the first shop in Valencia where I saw any other LGBTQ+ flags other than the rainbow.

Now, not a lot of the people know what demisexuality is, not even within the LGBT community. I entered the shop expecting dismissal and a vague sense of "we don't know what you're talking about and we don't really care". I did not expect acceptance.

I came in and almost apologetically approached the till. I said something along the lines of "I know this is a long shot but I am looking for a demisexual flag". I remember enunciating with care the word demisexual, as I was sure this man had never heard of it before. He immediately acquired this gentle attitude towards me, welcoming, like the community is always meant to be, but not necessarily is.

I don't know whether he knew you what demisexuality was. That didn't seem important though. I felt like you occasionally feel at Pride, where I was once treated so caringly by a bearded man wearing only leather underwear. That feeling of not being judged for your differences, but celebrated for them.

He made me feel like being demisexual was not a weirdness to be ashamed of, but something to be accepted for. Like I didn't have to be scared to say the word, nor to want a symbol to express my pride.

He did all that in one sentence or two, and I will never forget his kindness. As it turns out, he did not have the flag and I had to order it online. But I grew for the better that day because of that man and his intent on making me feel welcomed in my diversity. When I was scared to raise my voice, he made me feel safe.

There's people who you only meet for a few minutes, but they have a lasting impact in your life. This man is one of those people for me.